Best Idea Ever. Well, Maybe.

I have an idea. Somebody (not me) should start a website that’s designed to help you select who you’re going to vote for in various political campaigns. I’m not a political person. I don’t enjoy politics, and I absolutely abhor discussing them so this website would provide some serious relief to someone like me. I don’t identify myself as necessarily a Republican or a Democrat. This is primarily because my opinions on issues seem to be in a constant state of flux, which is why I mostly just keep them to myself. If pressed, I suppose I’d say that I’m a moderate. Although, if I express anything other than hearty agreement with my father, he’ll affectionately respond with something along the lines of:

“You’re such a tree-hugger.”

So, back to my website idea. Each politician would complete a profile that would be stored on the website expressing their views on pertinent social issues. If the politician doesn’t do this and they are an experienced politician, the website will rely strictly on their voting record to determine their views. If the politician is inexperienced, the website will humiliate them by saying something like, ‘This politician is a jerk and has refused to communicate his/her stance on pertinent issues.’ Then citizens (for instance me) could visit the website and do one of two things:

1) Complete a profile for themselves documenting their views on issues, or
2) Take a quiz that would enable them to find what I like to call their ‘candidate love match,’ which would obviously be the candidate whose agenda best correlates to their own.

For instance, if I were to take a quiz to help me choose in the Governor’s race between Judy Baer Topinka and Rob Blagojevich the quiz results page could say something like:

Congratulations! You’re 42% Topinka and 58% Blagojevich!

Then underneath that it could tell me what issues I agree/disagree with for each candidate. Currently, I have no idea what either candidate stands for. This is partially my fault, because I haven’t actively researched either candidate. I don’t think I’m alone on feeling this way however, because I think both candidates have done a crappy job of communicating their goals. On my way home from work yesterday a commentator on NPR pretty much expressed the same opinion. It seems like all the candidates have done is point out the perceived failings of the other candidate. Every political ad I’ve seen for the governer's campaign has been designed to give me the impression that if one of the candidates gets elected the apocalypse is likely going to occur. If I hear one more ‘Judy Baer Topinka. What is she thinking?’ commercial I’m going to freak out. They’re the most annoying commercials I’ve ever heard, which I suppose makes them effective. Because of those ads, I now cringe every time I hear Potenka’s name. The narrator’s tone reminds me of the one utilized by my mother to lecture me.

The one’s criticizing Blagojevich are equally terrible, but less annoying because Topinka’s pockets aren’t as deep and she can’t afford to have them played with the same frequency. Also the narrator’s voice doesn’t bother me as much. I know that negative campaigning is pervasive and has been around pretty much forever, but I hate the way it alters your mindset from voting for whom you think would be the best to voting for who’s likely to cause the least amount of damage. It’s depressing.

So anyway, it’d be great if there was a website that could make the decision simple and quick. And that would enable me to feel confident about my decision. Also, to make things fun, while you waited for your quiz results there could be video footage of a man dressed up like Uncle Sam doing a tap dance on your screen. That’d crack me up.

Dammit. Why doesn’t a website like this already exist? Or, if it does, why don’t I know about it?

I apologize if there are obvious grammatical/spelling errors in this post. Sadly, I was victimized by a ½ price wine special last night, and I’m still on the path to recovery. No worries. I have a hearty disposition.

-EEK