Quickly

I have some fantastic news. I’m getting a new computer today. My current computer (the one I’m typing on at this very moment) is an asshole. It sucks. It is old and crappy and heavy. I only wish it were capable of processing emotion so that I could tell it how terrible I think it is and force it into a destructive shame spiral. Alas, it is only a machine and does not respond to verbal abuse.

I dislike this computer so much that I've fantasized about it being recycled into a humiliating contraption, like maybe a diaper genie. Yes. A diaper genie would be perfect. If this happened, I’d purchase it from Babies 'R Us and anonymously donate it to a family with lactose intolerant quintuplets. Afterwards, I'd laugh maniacally while swirling a martini.

I’ll post something longer and more interesting tomorrow, but for now I’ll provide you with a few quick updates:

Number one. I won $70 dollars at the track during my department outing on a horse named Karley Rae. I picked him based on his name, which I found to be hilarious. Karley Rae’s odds were 9 to 1. I picked another horse named Sullied later in the day because in his description they said that occasionally this horse wakes up on ‘the wrong side of the hay.’ Sullied did not win the race. He was in first at the beginning, but then suddenly quit running about halfway through and slowed to a light cantor. I called him a quitter.

Number two. I started my running course yesterday evening. The instructor has run in sixty-one marathons. That’s all he does. Runs marathons. I think he’s in his seventies. Here’s a list of the stupid things I did prior to the class:

(a) Tried my new shoes on multiple times the night before to make sure they still felt okay.

(b) Laid out a specific ‘running outfit’ for the class.

(c) Worried about looking nerdy because of how ridiculously white my new running shoes are. Afterwards, I contemplated taking them outside and strategically getting dirt on them.

(d) Woke up at 3 a.m. the morning of the class and couldn’t get back to sleep because I was excited.

(e) Suddenly became worried that maybe I shouldn’t come in my running clothes and called the organization the day of to ask. They told me that I should always come prepared to run. This made me more nervous.

(f) Checked weather.com multiple times throughout the day because I was worried about the rain.

(g) Five minutes into my walk down Lincoln Ave to the class, I suddenly realized that I'd forgotten to bring a pen to take notes. Experienced brief moment of panic as I debated on whether to go back home to get one or just continue on to the class. Decided to continue so that I wouldn't be late. Nobody took notes.

So anyway, the class was fun. We learned about what physically happens to our bodies when we run,* and afterwards went for a group run through Lincoln Park down to the Lake. It was a nice way to spend a Wednesday evening.

*Apparantly your body adopts a 'flight or fight' mentality and starts secreting all sorts of chemicals because it thinks you're being chased by predators.

-blimey! mE bloody computEr sucKs! (in a scottish accent)