Two Dead Rats

Friday night I grabbed dinner with my sister at 404 Wine Bar. I tried talking her into this sushi place called Matsu Yama. Both places are close to our respective apartments, but I think she’s sick of hearing me complain about Matsu Yama. I have an odd compulsion when it comes to this restaurant. I hate it, yet I insist on going there often. The service is terrible (not hostile, just slow and inattentive), and they have this annoyingly petty rule of having a fifteen dollar minimum if you’re going to charge your meal. I’m terrible about carrying cash, so this drives me crazy if I’m just trying to get some takeout. But they are close, and their food is pretty good. And they are BYOB. Every time I go, I invariably end up voicing my above complaints/suggestions-for-improvement to whomever I’m dining with, which I suspect may be annoying.

404 Wine Bar is okay. I like the atmosphere. We got a bottle of wine, but I was upset when I discovered after ordering the bottle that they have wine flights. I really could've gone for a wine flight.

While at dinner my sister was telling me about her day and mentioned casually at one point in the conversation that she almost peed herself.

“You mean somebody said something funny, and you almost peed yourself?” I asked.

She leaned over the table and lowered her voice, “No. I mean I drank a big coke at lunch and nearly peed myself.”

“What are you? Five?”

“Shut-up. I was in a car picking up a client and on my way back to office I suddenly had to pee. I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it back,” her tone was slightly panicked, and her expression implied that serious trauma had occurred.

“Do you think the client noticed?”

Her eyes widened.

“Of course they noticed! I was hunched up close to the steering wheel and couldn’t talk. I couldn’t stop thinking about what would happen if I accidentally peed in the car.”

“What’d you tell them?”

“I told them I had to go to the restroom really bad.”

At this point I started laughing, and she did too. That’s one of the things I like about my sister, she is never embarrassed by anything (at least not for long), and she is funny.

“Geez. What would you have done if you peed the car?”

“Well. It had leather seats, which would have been good seeing as leather’s less absorbent than upholstery …”

“True,” I agreed nodding my head and watching out of the corner of my eye as the waitress opened our bottle of wine.

Speaking of wine … the 7-eleven down the street from me is having a wine tasting! I normally try to avoid the over-usage of exclamation points, but I feel that sentence required one to properly relay the shock/awe/confusion I am feeling regarding this. I try to avoid purchasing wine from the 7-eleven because their selection is essentially Chardonnays and Merlots priced double of what they’d normally retail. Also there are about twenty nice little wine shops nearby. However, I would never forego the opportunity to hit up a convenience store on a Wednesday night in order to sip a nice Merlot served up in a plastic cup under harsh fluorescent lighting while standing next to a cooler full of mountain dew. Because I LOVE CULTURE.

DEAD RAT #1

Lately I’ve had run-ins with several dead rats. A few weeks ago, I was walking around the Clybourn/Webster area and right there next to Potbelly’s. Right in the middle of the sidewalk was a plump, dead rat. I didn’t notice until I was right on top of it, and did one of those things where you’ve got your foot in the air ready to take a step forward but suddenly stop, pause and slowly draw your foot back. I got that hurried, funny, choking feeling in my esophagus too. Not like I was going to throw up, but just this weird hiccup type thing right in the middle of my chest. I might have made a shocked, yipping sort of sound as well. You don’t expect to see a dead rat in the middle of a sidewalk.

After taking a second to recover. I returned my focus to the rat to try to figure out the cause of death. There were no discernable marks to indicate foul play so I determined that it was natural causes and moved on along my merry way. I could hear a group of people walking about half a block behind me, and as I was getting ready to turn the corner onto Southport, I decided to wait in order to monitor their response. One of them suddenly shrieked and muttered, “Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.” over and over. Another person in the group started laughing.

DEAD RAT #2

Last night I was walking down the alley behind my apartment and passed by a suspicious looking something. I continued a little further, but then couldn’t resist going back to take a look. It was another dead rat. This one had definitely been run over by a car. It was completely flattened, but retained its rat shape in an odd two-dimensional way. Just like in the cartoons when the animal gets run over by a bulldozer. The phrase ‘like a pancake’ suddenly popped into my mind. This is one of those instances where the visual image of seeing something is so vivid and interesting to you that you want to share it. But. People aren’t interested in hearing about dead rats in alleys. So. I’ll just tell you.

Yesterday I saw a dead rat in my alley that was flattened like a pancake.

On a side note, is it weird that I’m less afraid of rats than mice? Mice dead or alive terrify me. They seem more mobile and speedy than rats. Also, if you’re asleep with your mouth open, wouldn’t it be awful if a mouse ran into your mouth? I could never feel clean again after something like that. Ever.

-EEK! a rat!