My Thanksgiving Resolutions

Sorry.

I won’t bore you with the details (because, they are indeed boring and also very non-dramatic), but I’ve hit my busiest time of year at work. All I’ve been doing for the last few weeks is working at a frantic pace until late in the evening, at which point I head home to curl up in the fetal position until the next morning rolls around. Today things are slower, because everyone has been wonderfully distracted by the Thanksgiving Holiday.

I’m back, and I promise to start making timely updates. I swear on Thanksgiving.

So…what to say? I have so much unexpressed mind-chatter saved up that I don’t even know where to start.

Here’s something…

So I was at a birthday lunch the other day. Birthday lunches are a monthly occurrence in the department I work in. Once a month we go out to lunch at some place like TGI Fridays or Chilis, and treat the birthday gal or guy to lunch. It’s a nice concept in theory, but I’ve noticed that the prevailing atmosphere at these lunches is one of all-encompassing awkwardness. I think part of the problem is that we already spend ten hours a day interacting with each other, and the added hour required once a month feels extraneous and forced. People (me included) resent it a little bit.

At this particular lunch, a co-worker had recently become engaged. This seemed like an easy subject, so I and a few others seized upon it and grilled her about wedding arrangements. Things were going fine until somebody asked her how her and her fiancé met.

She responded in an endearingly timid tone, “At a bar.”

Immediately after this, the sweet-sixty something admin assistant in my department turned to me and stated energetically across the table.

“Emily. You should be taking notes! If you want to meet guys you should start visiting bars.”

She was being sincere and actively searching through her purse for a pen.

At that point things lapsed into their usual birthday-lunch awkwardness. Everyone was waiting for me to respond, so I said.

“I spend a lot of my free-time in bars, so…um,” I shrugged my shoulders, “maybe I’ll get lucky someday.”

I did a bad job of hiding my irritation. I’m not the only single person in my department, but I am the only single female. Also, I can’t help it that my sixty-something admin assistant has a cool boyfriend that plays an instrument in the Cubs band and is on TV during Cubs games all the time and sweeps her off to San Francisco once a month for music festivals and sends her flowers on a bi-weekly basis.

It seems cruel to be singled out and rebuked for your relationship status (or lack thereof) just because you’re a girl.

Okay. Enough annoying-bridget-jones-oh-my-life-is-so-hard-type whining. It’s making me start to hate myself.

THEATRE ANTICS

The Sunday before last, I went out to see a play called ‘Clay’ at the Looking Glass Theatre. We were sitting in the front row, and, at one point, the performer hopped down off of the stage and began serenading me inches from my face.

I’d never been in a situation like this before, and I wasn’t entirely certain about what an appropriate response would be. Do you nod your head to the beat? Do you grin and stare aggressively back at the performer? I tried to maintain eye contact, but theatre makeup looks gruesome when viewed at such a close range. Instead, I just sort of glanced off to the side and nodded my head while sporting a nervous grin.

Luckily the song was about a girl that he was in love with (his stepmother – the play was very Oedipal), and not about something unpleasant. When he was done singing to my face he straddled the guy sitting next to me. I was delighted.

MORE THEATRE ANTICS

I went to another play last Friday, because I’ve purchased season tickets to this theatre company (not because I’m a culture-vulture, but to support my friend who sits on their board of directors). The play was a gay romantic-comedy, and it was funny (though not as good as ‘Clay’). Afterwards, we decided to grab a late dinner at Mia Francesca’s. Dinner was outrageously fun. Mostly because one of the people there was this guy that I’ve had an enormous crush on for years.

He’s this big tall, funny Greek guy that manages to be both simultaneously hairy and good-looking. I can’t help it. I adore him.

I’ve known him through my friend Mick for years, but began hanging out with him on a consistent basis a little over a year ago. When I first met him, my crush was vague and idealized because it was based on his looks and his perceived personality. It never occurred to me that it would be reciprocated, which made it seem like something safe and easy to indulge in. Around the holidays last year, he and I shared a cab home from a bar and after walking me to my door…he suddenly just grabbed me and laid one on me.

A few weeks later, we made out in a bar (classy, I know. I’m really embarrassed about it.). Here’s an excerpt of a phone conversation Mick and I had the day after that incident:

MICK: (with a note of amazement in his voice.) Dan was making out with some skank at Hye Bar last night.

ME: I was that skank.

MICK: Man. He was drunk.

ME: (Defensively.) Hey! I was drunk too!

There were a few other embarrassingly public make-out sessions, but I was so nervous around him that conversation was inevitably awkward. Also, according to Mick, Dan was annoyed with me for flirting with his friends. In my defense, I was just trying to make friends with them, because I thought it might make Dan like me more if all of his friends thought I was cool.

So, obviously, things just kind of faded out. And I was fine with it. I decided that it wasn't meant to be and dated around, and my crush dissipated. We’ve hung out since then, but not with the same frequency as before.

Friday was weird, because it was like a flip had suddenly switched. For some reason, I felt relaxed. We sat next to each other at dinner and conversation came easily. It was nice. And, of course, my crush is right back on. And now I’m mooning around all over the place like a moron.

I’m making a Thanksgiving resolution, though. No more making-out in bars (or other inappropriate venues) with Dan. I’m also going to become a yoga master and win the lottery.

-tErriblE slacKer