Full Conversion

In the town where I grew up, as a Catholic I was frequently approached by others much like I might approach Tom Cruise. Not as a celebrity, but as a Scientologist. Adults, upon discovering that I was a Catholic, would quickly let me know that they were okay with that and that they weren’t judging me, while kids would ask me questions like, “Is it true that you worship Mary as an idol?”

People tried to convert members of my family on what felt like a near daily basis. When my older sister was nine years-old, she pleaded with my parents to allow her to attend a Baptist church revival with her best friend. Upon my sister's arrival home, my mother was shocked to discover that she’d been saved (i.e. converted). The following Sunday, a family from my sister’s ‘new’ church called my mother to offer to drive her to the service. My mother was always gracious under these sorts of circumstances, but she would frequently tell us afterwards.

“That’s the thing about Catholics. We don’t proselytize other Christians. It’s against our religion.”

“What about the Jews?” somebody would invariably ask.

“Them too. We respect other people’s beliefs.”

By ‘we’, I was never entirely certain whether she meant Catholics in general or just our family. It helped though. I felt morally superior, which made it easier to be polite as I muddled my way through the various conversion attempts that peppered my childhood. Still, I resented it a little bit, and as a result began to view myself as the underdog.

When my childhood best friend (a Presbyterian) got engaged, she converted to the Baptist church at her fiancé’s behest. Afterwards, she called me in South Bend to tell me about it, and I was a little shocked.

“So you’re a Baptist now?”

“Yeah. Since last Sunday.”

“But. You’re a Presbyterian. That’s who you are.”

“If you look into it, the two aren’t that different.”

“Man. Baptists are the worst. They try to convert everybody.”

“Racist.”

“I’m not a racist. I’m a religionist.”

“Well, regardless. You know the old joke. Presbyterians are essentially just rich Baptists.”

“So you’re poor now too?”

Going to a Catholic University, changed my ‘underdog’ views associated with being a Catholic and studying abroad in Rome completely dispelled them. An underdog religion doesn’t usually possess its own tiny country (Vatican City) with opulent cathedrals and room after room of priceless artifacts. With art by Michelangelo.

In one of my classes there, I had a priest as a professor, and he was the first Catholic religious zealot I’d ever met. He made being a Catholic sound like war. That we were all soldiers in it together. Battling our way against all of the non-Catholics evil of the world. That if we weren’t careful and pushy about our beliefs all sorts of terrible things were going to happen.

Like cloning.

And sex.

I spent a lot of those classes shifting around in my chair and checking the clock hanging just over his head to the left. He was Maltese. He spoke six languages fluently and had close ties to the Vatican. In addition to all of that, he was crazy.

Since college, I’ve lapsed into a comfortable compromise with my mind where I become a practicing Catholic on major holidays. For my Mom. I justify this by reminding myself that I disagree with a lot of the Church’s stances. Like no women priests, and no marriage for priests, and no gays. Never ever at all, unless you’re willing to become a priest who is willing to pretend not to be gay.

So now I’m an occasional Catholic.

A few weeks ago, I was home visiting my parents, and we went to church together. The sermon was about how society is trying to get people to say ‘Happy Holidays’ instead of ‘Merry Christmas’ and how the church thinks that’s wrong. I read an article along the same vein a few days later about how Christians were boycotting Wal-Mart last year for changing their greeting from ‘Merry Christmas’ to ‘Happy Holidays’, and this year Wal-Mart’s buckled and is saying ‘Merry Christmas’ again.

Am I missing something? What does Wal-Mart have to do with the meaning of traditional Christian Christmas? I get what they have to do with commercialized Christmas (I’ve gotten many a great gift from there), but to me there’s a difference between commercialized Christmas and traditional, Christian Christmas. My Hindu cubicle neighbor was just telling me at lunch today that growing up her parents always got a Christmas tree and presents for their family. They did so because Christmas trees are pretty and presents are awesome. And it’s fun. And also maybe they liked to celebrate the nice themes linked to Christmas, like the importance of family. They certainly weren’t celebrating the birth of Christianity’s God’s son, and, frankly, this doesn’t bother me even a little.

My family tradition incorporates religion and commercialism into one big, friendly, American-style melting pot. We go to church together. Make a big dinner. Open presents. Watch Christmas movies. Play poker. And drink a little wine. I like the holiday season. It gives me the warm fuzzies. I wouldn’t change a thing about the way my family celebrates, but I’m willing to bet there are a lot of other equally nice traditions out there too.

Christmas is a beautiful holiday, but I don’t think it should be forced on anybody. What about Hanukah? What about Thanksgiving and New Year’s and the Chinese New Year? And maybe even some awesome holiday that I don’t even know about?

Like my Mom says, “We don’t proselytize.”

And that makes me feel proud (and a little morally superior).

Happy Holidays.

-mErry christmanEKah